Final Exams

Although my dad was terminally ill, his death still came as a surprise. Shortly after he died, my mom found a file on the computer titled, “My Final Exam”. It was a combination Memoir/ Reflection on his life as a Christian. Unfortunately, between my father’s infamous long-windedness and his failing lungs, he had only gotten to his college days by the time he was admitted to the hospital for the last time. But still, his analogy of the final exam got me thinking of how life does constantly test us on our faith and Christian love with everything from quizzes, to exams to surprise tests. Some events are quite predictable and uneventful- not much different from the weekly spelling quiz. For example, striving for weekly attendance at church, joining a prayer club or sharing money with those less fortunate. These are all structured events that we can plan for and carry out. Some events in our life are of greater importance and feel more like a test than a quiz. For example, I am in an interfaith marriage. While it may not be ideal, I do feel that answering questions and having discussions with someone who was not raised as I was has eventually strengthened my faith and relationship with God since I have had to understand these beliefs well enough to explain them to an “outsider” and not to just mindlessly “do what I have always done”. As life becomes more complicated, I sometimes feel like it is more of the crunch of mid-term exams than a single test. I am constantly trying to balance all of the pieces of my life including friends and family, career and church. In order not to “fail” in one area, I need to keep balance within and between all areas. The most challenging of all is the pop-test. During these times my relationship and understanding of God is most tested since it is done without planning and preparation. So far the biggest pop test for me was when my sister was in a car accident one week after I graduated college. She was spending her junior year in Russia as an exchange student. Up until this time I had felt most prayers had been answered. I had a wonderful childhood and my high school years and college years remain some of my most rewarding and life-filled. All I prayed for was that she would could be flown home and come out of her coma. But during this important pop test I learned that really the only request I should make in a prayer is to be able to handle the outcome. I cannot change the “master plan” but I can use all these experiences to become a better person. Whether or not I pass my final exam remains to be seen, but at least I am learning with each “test” to better love God and this Christian life he has blessed me with.