It is a constant struggle to find balance in this world. I want my children to enjoy team sports and activities like scouts but at the same time I feel like every day is one of survival. Making it through the next twelve hours, leaving one activity early to arrive at another one late. I wonder if I am setting the right example for my children about priorities and life choices.
I have basically worked since the day I graduated college. I also went back to graduate school and beyond. And with all these years of work and experience, I am not financially secure and I still wonder what I should be when I grow up.
So daily I ask the question: What is this all about? And yet my day is so hectic there is not much time to work on this answer. Part of me says I am being a responsible adult, making sacrifices to give my children a stable and supportive home. I am teaching them that life is about hard work and discipline and making choices. And then other times I feel like a fraud. Life is not really about eating dinner at a drive-thru while racing to practice, is it?
We are so intense. I do not even know how to slow down. I want to start with a clean slate. Sell the house and all the contents. Take a six month sabbatical to spend time with my husband and children and get back to the basics. Feed my soul and my body on a menu of natural sights, wholesome food and TIME. We will all rediscover ourselves and our family with daily time enjoying nature, journaling and each other. I know this sounds crazy. But somehow it does not feel as crazy as the alternative which is to keep up this impossible pace for two more decades only to look back and realize that I lost myself along the way.
